"CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)" (ccpbb)
03/09/2016 at 21:16 • Filed to: Carthrottle
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"CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)" (ccpbb)
03/09/2016 at 21:16 • Filed to: Carthrottle | 0
| 5 |
Fake blueprints, rebadged Jalopnik Articles, and bad memes. That’s CarThrottle.
Inspired by unnamed OppositeTalk users (including me) shit talking about CarThrottle, let me introduce the “Carthrottle” Would You Rather. Today we play with CarThrottle’s annoying Muscle Dude.
Alex Kersten (aka the annoying British CT guy who always wears tight fitting shirts) is stupidly drunk at the Focus RS launch. Jack Baruth is sipping at his bar, showing off his hair to a bartender. Kersten lunges forward toward Baruth and flays himself on the counter. The bartender jumps back and Kersten yells “Fuck your Accord V6 Manual and my turbo Miata is superior!” Baruth reacts angrily and knocks Kersten out cold with one kidney punch. Kersten falls to the ground unconscious and breaths out a orange coloured smoke. You breathe it in and the car gods awake...
AND
Would you like to receive a Press Pass that entitled you to any car media junkets and free press cars (without questioning your competency whatsoever) 24/7 365 days a year BUT you would have to have to have “CarThrottle” emblazoned in random unconspicious places in various places AND have the rest of the car be plastered with memes chosen by the wonderful users of CarThrottle (which will be specific to the make/model and will not be subject to review whatsoever).
OR
Would you like a 2016 BMW 330d wagon with the N37S (aka it’s tuned 376 hp/550 lb/ft) in brown, manual, and AWD BUT you will have seatrest speakers playing a “Alex Kersten voiced” CarThrottle user-submitted question every 2 minutes. The questions will be vetted on how cringeworthy they can be and the worst of the lot are submitted into your car through a complex non-BMW process into those glorious headrest speakers. And you can’t mute them or turn them off. Your BMW wagon have a lifetime bumper to bumper total maintenance warranty and all aftermarket modifications are free as long you retain functional headrest speakers. The headrest speakers will also adjust with the interior sound level. Aka straight piping your wagon will not muffle Alex Kersten’s lovely voice, but increase its volume to compensate. This car also will be your car for the rest of your life.
Sooo......Carthrottle shame with vehicular gains OR unlimited BMW wagon with an imminent psychological breakdown by Carthrottle users?
And if you think he’s tolerable, just watch these cringeful “Awkward Interviews” with Ken Block and Chris Harris. And he’s low enough to randomly photoshop a booth professional into a picture with his MX5 to make it officially Clickbait. And clickbait is the worst.
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
03/09/2016 at 21:24 |
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I’d rather walk than either of those two options. But thanks for the offer.
djmt1
> CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
03/09/2016 at 21:37 |
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Option 1. I’ll accept the free racing livery (don’t take that away from me, I’ll need that to get through it all). Option 2 is just..., yeah Option 1 without doubt.
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CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
> djmt1
03/09/2016 at 21:44 |
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“impact” font adds 30 hp
ly2v8-Brian
> CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
03/09/2016 at 21:54 |
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Choice 3: seppuku
haveacarortwoorthree2
> CCC (formerly CyclistCarCoexist)
03/10/2016 at 17:42 |
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Still trying to figure out who the “muscle dude” is!